I am 26, i have two beautiful children, i am married ; i am not satisfied with my life. I want more, the only problem is i dont think i know what i really want. I think i want to go back to school, i cannot afford to save to go back to school on my current salary. I think that if i was to get a better paying job that i enjoyed doing, i wouldnt be so dissatisfied. Im considering going to the American Graduate School or Le Cordon Bleu cooking school. I like cooking and i like trying to make new and different things. I love food network and all the things i have learned from it. It fuels my joy for cooking and makes me want to cook more and . It also makes me feel that i could make a career and a life out of it. On one hand, my fear that i am not passionate enough or that its just a phase makes me hesitant to commit. EUR 40 000 is way more than i can afford to throw away (which is what il be doing if i make a decision based on a whim) Interestingly if i took the other path, thats approximately how much tuition will cost me (if i went to AGS)
Whenever i feel like i need to talk to someone i feel like im going through the wrong chanels if i consider talking to a counsellor of some sort. So i would normally just pray and leave it a that. I cant help but feel that i dont pray hard enouh or that im not good enough and thats why i feel all this confusion. (i know this thought is flawed.. i know that its only by God's grace, favor and mercy that i get blessed). I feel so weighed down sometimes, i just want to scream in frustration. I try to think about all God has done for me to remind myself that my life isnt as bad as it feels but it doesnt help. I dont know where to even start. I prayed when i started feeling the heaviness. I guess i should pray some more. I seem to know what God's word tells me in my head(about overcoming and all that) but i cannot reconcile the two right now. It feels like im am in the dark feeling around for God knows what. I keep remembering that a divided mind gets nothing from God and it makes me sink deeper in despair, because i feel i want too many things (some for wrong reasons) and i dont know what to do.